The Night of The Tortured Turtles (Or: How To Make Organic Viagra)

The final concoction: Blood (red) and Bile (green) mixed with 120 proof liquor.

The final concoction: Blood (red) and Bile (green) mixed with 120 proof liquor.

During my trip to Hanoi, I got along so well with my guide Lan and my driver Thang that they invited me to Thang’s anniversary – and I (obviously) said HELL YES! I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Okay, these are the guys who took me to a brothel and introduced me to the hangover cure, so maybe I had a small clue, but damn, was I not ready for this mixology lesson.

The party was at a multi-floor restaurant 20 minutes away from my Hotel. It was the same crowd as the day before – except this time everyone brought their wives and children. The main entertainment was the torture of the turtles.  Two restaurant employees brought out a bucket of the doomed reptiles. While one held the wriggling body, the other employee took out a sharp menacing knife, grabbed the turtles’ heads and slit their necks – collecting the blood in a large glass while the dying turtle gave me the hairy eye ball [ed note: can’t say I blame him, but what was I gonna do?]. Minutes later a waitress took a hypodermic needle and extracted all the green bile-y goodness from the dying reptiles’ gall bladders. It was like watching the Coconut Tree Prison display come to life, with reptile stand ins for the mannequins.

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World Traveler and Now… Chef!

Dinner for two!

Dinner for two!

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A close up of my masterpiece

Fun Fact: I grew up in Ohio and Kentucky – a landlocked area. Okay, fine, there was the Ohio River but nobody’s eaten anything out of there for at least 100 years. Hell, I don’t think anything has actually lived in there for 75.

The point being, I’ve always been a meat and potatoes kind of girl, especially as I grew up in a time when there was no such thing as “flash freezing” and fish in Cincinnati grocery stores were just… nasty. But. 2014 is a year for trying new things  and broadening my horizons (in between flying off to amazing places) so I faced my biggest kitchen fear and decided to cook some damn fish.

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