Category Archives: Iraq

Requiem for History: A Look Back At The Biblical City of Nimrud, Iraq, Destroyed by ISIS

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Straight out of Nimrud

Straight out of Nimrud.

Earlier this Week, ISIS destroyed at 1400 year-old monastery in Mosul, Iraq, but last year they did their most damage – razing the oldest monastery in the country, Mar Behnam and several others – as well as looting the ancient Assyrian towns of Ninevah and Nimrud, cornerstones of human history.

I visited the biblical city of Nimrud in 2011 and it was palpably magical—made even more so because so few people were ever able visit the site—first due to Saddam Hussein’s government and then due to war.

Built in 1274 B.C., it was made the capital of the Assyrian empire in 883 B.C. and a  5 mile long wall was constructed, surrounding the city and palace. Huge Lamassu, large winged beasts with the body of an ox or lion and the heads of men, lined the palace entry and inside were carved scenes of life painted in many colors. Interestingly, along the outer walls, inscriptions were carved including:

  • “The palace of cedar, cypress, juniper, boxwood, mulberry, pistachio wood, and tamarisk, for my royal dwelling and for my lordly pleasure for all time, I founded therein. Beasts of the mountains and of the seas, of white limestone and alabaster I fashioned and set them up on its gates.”
  • “Silver, gold, lead, copper and iron, the spoil of my hand from the lands which I had brought under my sway, in great quantities I took and placed therein.”
  • “Many of the captives I have taken and burned in a fire. Many I took alive; from some I cut off their hands to the wrists, from others I cut off their noses, ears and fingers; I put out the eyes of many of the soldiers. I burned their young men, women and children to death.”
  • “I flayed the nobles as many as rebelled; and [I] spread their skins out on the piles.”

And now, it’s gone.

The pictures after the jump are all what once was, and what has now, reportedly been razed to the ground.

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Rare Images of Art From Iraq’s Oldest Monastery, Destroyed by ISIS

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Yesterday, ISIS destroyed St. Elijah’s, a 1400-year-old Christian monastery just outside of Mosul – part of their mission to obliterate history and anything that doesn’t fit into their warped version of Islam. Back in 2011, I actually visited St. Elijah’s monastery – and one that was even older, the 1700-year-old Mar Behnam Monastery and Convent – a Syriac Catholic compound also containing a chapel and two shrines and was filled with priceless artworks.

Shrine of Saint Behnam and Saint Sarah in Iraq.

The shrines of the Christian martyrs, Behnam (left) and his sister Sarah (right), mark where the brother and sister died and had stood in various forms on this hill since the 4th century.

There had been a shrine on the hill outside of Beth Khdeda (near Mosul) since the 4th century, built by the pagan Assyrian king Senchareb as a penance for killing his son Behnam and daughter Sarah after they converted to Christianity… until March 2015, when ISIS leveled the place to the ground.

destruction of Mar Behnam

Both shrines – Mar Behnam and Marth Sarah, were blown up by ISIS on March 19, 2015.

The pictures below are all that’s left of what was once was an integral chapter in human history. Inside the chapel and shrines were examples of art and architecture rarely seen anywhere else in the world – carvings that seamlessly blended Muslim and Christian designs and one of the few Middle Eastern examples of Uigher inscriptions, left by Mongol traders and pilgrims as they made their way from China to Europe on trade routes. The walls and artwork were living history – and contained pieces from almost every century since it was built.

The buildings are now gone and the art destroyed or presumably sold off to shady people who may house them in a back room of their many mansions (yes, my imagination is getting away with me, but it’s my website!),  but looking at these photographs should remind us that Iraq has been, up until recently, the cradle of civilization. It was a religiously tolerant place where Muslims, Christians, Yazidis and even Jews lived side by side until it erupted into chaos.

ALL ART AND ARCHITECTURE PICS AFTER THE JUMP!

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Deep Thoughts: “Jumping For Virility” Starring The Germans And The Samburu Warriors (With Video)

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Germany’s Natalie Geisenberger (5thL), Felix Loch (6thL),Tobias Arlt (6th R) and Tobias Wendt (5th R) leap on the podium celebrating their first place in the luge team relay competition between second-placed Russia and third-placed Latvia teams at the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics

Germans love to jump. They will jump in groups (above). They will jump solo (below).

Felix Loch of Germany jumps onto the podium after he won the gold medal during the men’s singles luge final at the 2014

And they will also travel specifically to get pictures of themselves jumping. Like Tobias – a 31 year old  German computer engineer who liked to travel to “dangerous places and take pictures of myself jumping on famous things!”

I met Tobias when I went to Iraq – he was part of a motley crew of people who all decided to vacation in a semi-war zone. More on Tobias the jumper and my theory on Germans vs. The Samburu Warriors after the jump:

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How To (Accidentally) Look Like A Hooker In Iraq

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Spot the problems...

Spot the problems…

Fun fact: there are three major problems with this photo – and two minor ones (which you can’t see). So there I was, in Baghdad, feeling all sorts of appropriately dressed in my Jil Sander for Uniqlo dress. I mean, come one – look at it. It’s black, long, and when I saw it on the rack I immediately thought, “Oooooh, perfect for Iraq!” and “Burkha chic has come to the States, who knew?” It’s not like I was gonna buy it for a hot NYC summer except to possibly throw it over my head in the morning to walk the dog. After all, it was semi shapeless and although it was really comfy and made of thin (yet not see through) cotton, it made me look like I could be pregnant. Which, if I was pregnant, that’d be okay. BUT I’M NOT.

So, I thought yeah – Iraq. Awesome. It’s roomy, will breathe, and adheres to strict Muslim dictates, right? Wrong.

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Are Americans Really The Worst? Five Other Countries Whose Tourists Make Us Look Good

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We’ve all heard it before. The “Ugly American”; The clueless dingdong who travels other countries doing the following: talking too loud; complaining about everything – especially cigarette smoke and the lack of a decaffeinated coffee; traveling with their own peanut butter to live on lest the local food poison them; wearing funny looking clothes; ignoring the personal space of anyone around them.

Now, in all honesty, some of these stereotypes are true. Take Daddy for example. My old man has a strict summer uniform of ecru Rockport Walkers, long white knee socks, tan pressed khaki short, belted at the waist, a short sleeve button down/golf shirt with a pen in the neck, sunglasses and a sweatband or fishing hat.

IMG_1851

Daddy also has an endearing habit of going to European countries and talking “local like” – for example in Italy, a typical sentence would be, “Excuse-ay me-o, where-o can i get-o some damned pizza?” Or randomly saying things like, “Mamma Mia!” “Mangia, mangia!”

But he means well. He doesn’t complain. Much. There was that time in Italy where, while watching a pigeon defecate down the face of a statue of Mary. “Look at that!” he said. “That damned pigeon just taking a crap all over Mary’s face! Now if these damned Eye-talians had honored my good old American gun permit, I could’ve brought my Walther PPK over here and shot that heretic and we’d be having what they call squab-o for dinner! But nope – over here law abiding citizens can’t own their own damned guns. So the pigeons can just dump anywhere.”

No, my friends, after traveling the world, I have decided we Americans get a bad rap. Especially as there are other countries that deserve so much more vitriol! Find out which ones after the jump:

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The Hottest Party In Baghdad [Read: I’m Too Hungover To Post Words Today. Don’t Judge. The Superbowl’s In Town]

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It’s one of those days (don’t judge – the Superbowl has come to NYC and I’m off to the Miami Heat/NYC New York Knicks game tonight).

The Italian troops partying at the Italian embassy in Baghdad.

The Italian troops partying at the Italian embassy in Baghdad.

So. yeah. There’s no partying per se in Baghdad (except for that one club, but that’s a story for another time). So what’s an expat gonna do when he/she just needs to let off some steam?
The best time in Baghdad is found at the Italian embassy – which every Friday and Saturday used to (and presumably still does because really, not much has changed) host parties in the back yard which consisted of booze, bars and a bunch of Italian paratrooopers busting their shirts off and getting on the bar to shake their stuff. I think the “HOLY CRAP IT’S CHRISTMAS!!!” look on the blonde lady’s face says it all. And, just because I really love you all, after the jump, the rear view:

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Lost In Translation: The Best of The Worst Signs In The World

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Warning: you may lose your head on the train to Morretes, Brazil.

Warning: you may lose your head on the train to Morretes, Brazil.

You have no idea how many times I’ve walked through a random street in some random section of the world and tried to figure out just what the local government is trying to tell me.

Don’t take a picture of rats? [Fine].

Don’t stick your head in the fire? [Yep. Figured that out].

Wild Monkeys may eat my hat? [I didn’t really like it much anyway].

Don’t feed the volcano? [Considering volcanoes historically only eat virgins, I don’t qualify].

You learn so much about a place from its signs. Mali has an AIDS problem; Colombia is more concerned with drugs;  Egypt apparently has a huge sex trafficking issue… and everyone is concerned with where and how you poop.

So, for your viewing pleasure, after the jump I offer some of the best signs I’ve found all over the world…

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Things To Do In Iraq If You’re Mildly Acrophobic: Climb The Spire Of Samarra

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The Spire of Samarra

The Spire of Samarra

One of the coolest places in Iraq is Samarra – which houses the 9th century Great Mosque of Samarra… and the huge Spire of Samarra, built in 859 by the Abbasid caliph Al Mutawakkil.

Unlike, say, in Rome or some sort of ancient place in the First World where you can only look at things from afar or behind glass, in Iraq, you can climb all over (and up) anything. So, naturally, I did. Despite having a slight case of Acrophobia (fear of heights). Because, really – when am I ever gonna get back to Samarra?

There is an apt saying about this city that comes from the Babylonian myth, “An Appointment in Samarra,” which signifies death – as in “(so and so) has an appointment in Samarra” – meaning you’re gonna bite it. Which has got to be about anyone climbing this thing. Because damn, did I come close. I walked all the way up the spiraling cone (52 meters high and 33 meters wide) up the spiral ramp (with no handrails thank you very much) which got narrower and narrower the higher you got. And don’t even get me started on the wind factor. One stiff breeze and you’re playing Icarus.  By the time I got to the top I thought I was gonna have a heart attack. Especially when I ran into Steven on the way up (see video) and there was no way to go around him.

In the Al Qaeda clubhouse - with the Spire in the background.

In the Al Qaeda clubhouse – with the Spire in the background.

But I made it. Without vomiting or peeing my pants or anything. I know – I’m as shocked as you are!

I must have gotten down somehow (I’ve blacked it out), and while hanging out in the middle of the the mosque courtyard, I took some pictures with our armed escorts and then was told to “hurry it up.”

“What’s the rush?” I asked, only to be told, “We gotta be out by five – in the evening the local Al Qaeda guys come here and hangout.”

For your viewing pleasure, after the jump, see pics I took from around Samarra and check out the video I took while climbing the Spire.

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Oh, So THIS Is What ET Looks like: Proof Of Ancient Aliens In Baghdad

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It's 5,000 years old. And proof of ETs.

It’s 6,000 years old. And proof of ETs.

I found this guy, let’s call him Xorx, on some pottery in the National Museum of Iraq. Due to some looting and the place being a general mess, the jar was marked “4000 – 6,000 BC” and they left it at that. Now, I know that artwork back then wasn’t exactly realistic but, seriously, WTF? They drew what they knew – and this does not look human. I don’t care what your Uncle Bubba says.

But, it makes sense – think about it: Iraq is the birthplace of the Old Testament – The Garden Of Eden (Basra), The Ziggurat of Ur (Hello, alien architecture!), Babylon, etc. etc. – and how the heck did humans all of a sudden learn how to build all these things? Aliens, that’s how!

Let’s look a closely at Xorx. Large bulging eyes: Check. Weird wiggly arms: Check. No Hair: Check. More than five fingers (or is that less?): Check. No lips: Check; Weird elongated body: Check. Therefore, Xorx is an alien.

Okay, fine. I’m not nuts. Nor am I a faithful watcher of the (new) History Channel. I’m just saying there’s some weird, unexplained art in the National Museum of Iraq in Baghdad.

After the jump, more extraterrestrial art – If this shizz ain’t proof of aliens, I don’t know what is:

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