Tag Archives: drugs

The Trek Through The Cocaine Hills To La Ciudad Perdida: Bugs, Mud And A Sharting Mule

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The view from the top. It was hell getting there.

The view from the top. It was hell getting there.

While I do love traveling alone – sometimes you have to join a small group of randoms you don’t know. Which I actually find fun – you learn how to deal with other people, how to behave yourself and hear some really funny things. I joined a group in Colombia when I decided to do the trek to La Ciudad Perdida – an archaeological site of an ancient city in Sierra Nevada, Colombia. It is believed to have been founded about 800 AD, some 650 years earlier than Machu Picchu. Ciudad Perdida consists of a series of 169 terraces carved into the mountainside, a net of tiled roads and several small circular plazas. The entrance can only be accessed by a climb up some 1,200 stone steps through dense jungle. And the entrance can only be accessed by a three day hike up 90 degree sloped jungled hills across rivers, over two inch ledges and some seriously shaky slat bridges. But there was the promise of an added bonus: A Real Live Cocaine Factory. (Note: I do not do drugs, but I do do effed up experiences like checking out how these things worked).

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Former Miami Correctional Institute Residents Make the Best Guides In Colombia

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DSCN0193Former Miami Correctional Institute inmate number 26623-069 was convicted in 2000 for narco-trafficking when his fishing boat was found off the coast of Puerto Rico with “a lot” of marijuana and cocaine on board. In February 2007, he was released from the United States penal system and put on a direct flight back to his homeland, Colombia – where he eventually wound up in Santa Marta, the Colombian Riviera – and birthplace of Colombia’s narco-trafficking. Probably not the smoothest move for a man claiming to be set on reform.

At around five feet, nine inches, Juan looks back on his time in Miami with nostalgia. “I learned English (in prison) and got my GED. They treated me better than my mother – they fed me three meals a day, gave me clean clothes and counted me like a diamond every night.”

Once a foot soldier in the narco-trafficking that defines Colombia’s history, Juan swears he’s now straight, interested only in tourism – the Colombian government’s new tactic in winning the drug wars – but that doesn’t explain the bullet scar below his left shoulder he got just ten months ago or the more recent scar that runs from his sternum down past his navel.

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How To Survive High Altitudes (With Bonus Video!)

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Coca leaves, I looove you!

Coca leaves, I looove you!

I’m usually good up in the mountains – okay fine, there may be a bout or fifteen with HAF*, but nothing a few GasX won’t cure – but holy hell was I not prepared for what was about to happen in Peru or Chile.

High Altitude Sickness kicked in the first time for me in Peru. I was in Cusco at the market – not the big tourist one but the one waaaaay down the hill where the locals go – haggling my ass off over some alpaca skins when suddenly I wanted to die. As in crawl in the ground and call it a day. I got nauseous, light headed, dizzy and blacked out thinking, “THIS is how it’s gonna go down? Here?” I woke up to the guy I was haggling with standing over me and shoving what looked like bay leaves in my mouth.

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The Only Hangover Cure That Has Ever Worked: The Vietnamese Alka Seltzer. You’re Welcome.

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No, it's not a condom. It's the best damn hangover cure in the universe.

No, it’s not a condom. It’s the best damn hangover cure in the universe.

In my past life I went out for a living – as in out. Every night. All night. While it was fun and all, the mornings were not. Thus, about ten years ago, I started the quest to find the ultimate hangover cure. I worked at a company with many Australians who naturally suggested Berocca. Which, frankly, sucked. As in – didn’t work. Here’s a list of what else I’ve tried over the years which didn’t work:

  • A variety of “organic” hangover cure pills which vitamin companies tried to shill every year.
  • Alka Seltzer before going to bed and in the morning (okay, fine… it made me feel marginally better).
  • The hair of the dog (not to be done if you have to be at work the next day).
  • Greasy ham and egg sandwich followed by a V-8 and half a bottle of Visine (in the eyes, not the mouth).
  • Drinking a gallon of water before going to bed (which results in five trips to the bathroom that night, thus ensuring a fully interrupted sleep).

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