That One Time I Got Made Up To Look Like Baby Jane’s Batshit Crazy Older Sister


Ever been on the road and realized you forgot your make up bag and started mentally kicking yourself, because that shizz is expensive to replace? I’ve been there – but there is a super cheap, if perhaps not the most sanitary, answer: kohl.

When I was visiting with the bedouin in Jordan, my friend Suleiman took me to see his (female) neighbor who decided that I needed some… beautifying.

Related: Ladies Night in Jordan: Not as Tame as You’d Think

“Women wear kohl for weddings,” Suleiman explained.

“Um, I’m not getting married anytime soon,” I said, kind of laughing, while looking around for an exit. “Really. I’m NOT.”

“It is not just for that,” Suleiman quickly added.

Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor and Bette Davis All Loved a (Cheap) Bedouin Kohl Eye

This is what I thought I was going to look like…

According to Suleiman, kohl around the eyes can do pretty much everything but watch your goats, including: protect your eyes from the sun, cure styes, and grow your eyelashes. I also started envisioning myself as Elizabeth Taylor/Cleopatra, so, I figured “why not?”

Related: How to Go Full Local in Jordan

Suleiman’s neighbor then cooked up a batch of kohl by putting an iron pot over a burning fire, and scraping the blackened char off.

“That’s it?” I asked.

“That’s it,” Suleiman said as his neighbor came at me to apply it with a matchstick end.

“Oh well. I’ve come this far,” I thought. “I’ve had my tetanus shot and my health insurance is still active so… why not?”

The result:

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Not exactly Elizabeth Taylor… but you get the idea.

I was just psyched that when she insisted on doing my eyebrows, the neighbor (who refused to be named or photographed due to her custom) didn’t give me a unibrow. I had enough of that in high school. Fun fact: Kohl doesn’t come off easily so you will have the Cleopatra look for about two days. Hot.

I later realized I looked familiar. Like I’d just been to a celebrity lookalike camp and drawn the short straw. I now present the evidence:

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Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? Not sure but her older sister’s in the Jordanian desert! 

For more on the Suleiman and the bedouin lifestyle, check out this video in which I name a goat (who will likely be eaten soon), and gulp down desert coffee like a caffeine addicted camel: