Category Archives: Shopping

Brazil: Home Of The Worst [read: Best] Trinkets Ever.

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I can't get enough of this - the reverse Romulus and Remus painting. This little guy went on to build the wolf version of Rome.

I can’t get enough of this – the reverse Romulus and Remus painting I found in Morretes, Brazil. This little guy (on the left) went on to build the wolf version of Rome.

Everyone knows I love a good market. I even pack collapsible bags on my trips for countries [Laos, Vietnam, Iraq, Guatemala] that have really good markets where I can pick up things to either decorate my apartment or give out as gifts. So, it was with high hopes that I went to Brazil – specifically Iguazu, Morretes and Curitiba.

I had visions of the indigenous market at Chichicastanenga in Guatemala or the night market in Luang Prabang, Laos… I was so wrong. So, so very wrong.

While I didn’t end up buying anything, I did photograph the wares on offer for your viewing pleasure.

Side note: the only reason I didn’t buy every single one of these mementos is because I live in a tiny Soho apartment. In my fantasy world, I have an apartment that is so big I have an entire room dedicated to awesomely bad art. Until then, I only have the pictures. Sad face.

Behold, some awesomely bad art/weird tchotchkes and so much more (including a wooden dildo) after the jump :

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Meet Penny: The Hedgehog Snatched From the Bowels Of the Bamako Death Market

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Penny, the hedgehog I saved from the Death Market

Penny, the hedgehog snatched from the bowels of the Bamako Death Market

Fun fact: People in the West African country of Mali will say, “The country is 80 percent Muslim, 20 percent Christian but 100 percent Animist.” Which means that everyone carries amulets, “passports” (leather pouches) and rings that are all full of magical potions created by a witch doctor… and that are made with all sorts of animals parts. Which also explains why Mali has almost no wildlife to mention, as every animal has been hunted to the point of extinction (Which is awful, except for the times you are forced to camp on the side of the Niger River in No Man’s Land and have to get up to pee at night. The absence of crocodiles comes in handy then, and only then). The dearth of crocodiles in Bamako is even more ironic as “Bamako” is taken from a Bambara word meaning “Crocodile River”… not so much anymore, just saying.

A stall in the Death Market

A stall in the Death Market

The main Witchdoctor (aka Death) Market is in the capital, Bamako, where you can find every animal that roam(ed) the country in a state of decay. There are hippos, hyenas, snakes, birds, dogs, lions… and hedgehogs. All waiting to be ground up into powder, blessed and put into a pouch so the wearer can traverse the Sahara or the Niger safely. For $2 you can videotape the stalls and take pictures – all while trying not to gag on the smell which is… potent, to say the least.

So there I was, in the Middle of the Death Market, when a vendor pointed out a ball of bristles. It was a tiny hedgehog-y ball of life in a sea of death. It freaked me out – I mean come on, can you imagine being stuck in a pile of rotting corpses just waiting for your turn? UGH. So I started haggling and walked away with Penny, the hedgehog, who was a little expensive, but how often can you save a life for $20?

The full story, WITH VIDEO of the rescue and release, after the jump!

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How To Survive High Altitudes (With Bonus Video!)

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Coca leaves, I looove you!

Coca leaves, I looove you!

I’m usually good up in the mountains – okay fine, there may be a bout or fifteen with HAF*, but nothing a few GasX won’t cure – but holy hell was I not prepared for what was about to happen in Peru or Chile.

High Altitude Sickness kicked in the first time for me in Peru. I was in Cusco at the market – not the big tourist one but the one waaaaay down the hill where the locals go – haggling my ass off over some alpaca skins when suddenly I wanted to die. As in crawl in the ground and call it a day. I got nauseous, light headed, dizzy and blacked out thinking, “THIS is how it’s gonna go down? Here?” I woke up to the guy I was haggling with standing over me and shoving what looked like bay leaves in my mouth.

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Deep Thoughts for People Visiting New York City

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We have so much in common – I heart NY too!

Oh, tourists. I heart you. No, really! The way you walk hand in hand in hand, side by side by side down every sidewalk… or the way your money belt bulges from the waist of your elasticized pants… or the look of fear that enters your eyes when you realize you have to ask a local for directions. You make me giggle. And for that, I salute you!

I also would like to make your trip to NYC a little easier and pleasant. As a resident of Soho, which is overrun daily by hordes of people coming to see the “real” New York through the windows of Prada, H&M and Uniqlo, I offer you a guide… not on where to stay or what to do – but on How To Act. It’s a simple list of things that will help you fit in, or at least not annoy the locals to the point of tears. And so we begin:

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