Tag Archives: voodoo

Happy Halloween and Welcome to my Scary Love Life Which Sucks So Bad I Went To a South African Muthi (Voodoo) Master

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Those of you who follow me on Twitter may remember the saga of Hickey Man – the hot dude who showed up to our second date with a hickey (note: it was not from me. Also note: He was 44. Waaaaay past the acceptable age of hickies) – and then proceeded to say things like “It’s so weird. I’m usually attracted to fat women, but you… you, I’m attracted to your brain!” or “It sucks I’m so tired because I was really planning on having sex with you tonight.” Well. I’ve had it with Tinder, Hinge, Match, etc. and I decided to go to the magical. Because at this point, i’ve given up! Meet Thabo, the Muthi Master who says my dude is coming. Note: I’m still waiting. For the full story, click here!

 

Guate-Hollah! Part Tres: The Market at Chichicastenango

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I love a death doll

I love a death doll

Chichi is cool for so many reasons – chief amongst which is: it has the largest indigenous market in Central America. Clearly, I had to go. And I was not disappointed. Mayans, for miles around, come in every Thursday and Sunday to sell intricately sewn textiles, death masks, chickens, dolls, sweaters, chotchkes, you name it, all at the foot of the 400-year old church of Santo Tomás. The church is built atop a Pre-Columbian temple platform, and K’iche’ Maya priests still use the church for their rituals, burning incense and candles and in really special cases, they burn a chicken for the gods. It’s kind of amazing – especially as I’d assumed all the Mayans died out years ago. I was wrong. Thank God. [Ed note: Mayan rituals are a lot like voodoo rituals – involving chickens, blood, candles, booze, cocaine, leaves and fire. I think it must be a universal fact that pluralist gods liked to party. A lot]. There was also a sick restaurant area in the middle of the market which served the best fried chicken I’ve ever had, hands down. Don’t tell Aunt Dee I said that. She’ll be pissed.

After the jump: The market from heaven:

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Sallie Ann Glassman: The High Voodoo Priestess of New Orleans (No, Really!)

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Sallie Ann Glassman

Sallie Ann Glassman

Meet Sallie Ann Glassman – a Jew from Maine who also happens to be the high voodoo priestess of New Orleans. Not what I expected either.

Fun fact: I spend every Thanksgiving at Joan River’s house. A few years ago, I was at Joan’s house and she told me this story: “When I bought my (NYC) apartment it was haunted. Doors would open and shut, things would fall. So I found (Sallie Ann Glassman). She came up to New York and did an exorcism of the whole building. Apparently something really bad happened in the basement once. After she came all the stuff stopped. So now I have her do all my houses.” When Joan found out I was going to NOLA she introduced me to Sallie Ann. Separately, when I went to New Orleans, several business people in the town said, “You’re doing a New Orleans story? You should talk to the voodoo priestess – Sallie Ann!”

Outside the Island of Salvation

Outside the Island of Salvation

So, of course I had to talk to Sallie Ann, right? The Island of Salvation Botanica is on the edge of the Ninth Ward and crammed full of… stuff. The temple room has candles, statues, booze, cigars, altars and just things everywhere. Apparently voodoo spirits (and there are a ton) like to party.

Sallie Ann claims that during Katrina, the water stopped at her block and didn’t damage her house, temple or store because of her voodoo. Believe, don’t believe – either way, she was never under water and after Katrina that’s pretty amazing. She also says she can talk to spirits that will tell you about your past, your present and your future. She went into a trance and… Apparently I was a Buddhist monk in my past life. Go figure. I’m also supposed to be wildly successful in this life (I’m still waiting).

Photos of the voodoo after the jump:

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