Finger Pulling, Head Pulling and Kick the Seal: The Craziest Sports in the Arctic Games


When I first heard about the Arctic Winter Games, my head immediately filled with snowboarding, skiing, dog mushing, and possibly ice fishing. But that’s not all that happens…

Occurring every two years, the Arctic Winter Games are the Olympics for athletes in the places that inhabit the Arctic Circle: Canada, Russia, Alaska, and Greenland. Within the games are the Arctic Sports, a series of competitions that derive from Inuit culture and survival techniques that the Inuit needed to have when hunting or camping out on the ice for weeks on end. While now performed inside a warm gym, some of the sports — while featuring some seriously dubious names — can still be dangerous: Greenland’s Prime Minister Kim Kielsen is missing the middle finger on his left hand thanks to a game called the Finger Pull.

Related: How to Dress for the Arctic in 13 Easy Steps

Which leads us to the list of Arctic Sports:

Finger Pulling, Head Pulling and Kick the Seal: Welcome to the Arctic Games!

(Photo: Sol Neelman)

1.     The Finger Pull

According to the Arctic Winter Games website, finger pulling occurs when Two competitors sit on the floor facing each other and lock middle fingers. Competitors pull steadily at the fingers while bracing their opposite hands on their opponent’s ankle. The object is to pull the opponent over or touch the opponent’s hand to one’s chest.” Again, this can be oddly dangerous.

2.     The Kneel Jump

“The competitor begins in a kneeling position, with buttocks resting on one’s heels, toes pointed backward, and hands on knees. From this position, he then jumps as far forward as possible, lands on his feet in a squatting position, and maintains balance.”

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(Photo: Sol Neelman)

3.     The Head Pull

“Two competitors lie on the floor, their stomachs facing each other. A looped band is placed over the back of each head above the ears. Rising to a ‘push-up’ position with only hands and feet touching the floor, the athletes pull with their heads, bracing their hands out in front and using their whole body strength to pull steadily backward. The object is to pull the opponent over a line that is drawn between them. (Males only)”

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(Photo: Sol Neelman)

4.     The High Kick — aka Kick the (Stuffed) Seal

“The competitor starts with a running or standing approach with feet no more than shoulder width apart at take off. The target must be clearly struck while both feet are parallel. Maintaining balance and control, the competitor must land on both feet at the same time, no more than a shoulder width apart.”

Related: Greenland: Where Polar Bear, Seal and Fox Fur Is in

5.     The One-Hand Reach

“In the starting position the competitor must brace himself with the elbow of the balancing arm tucked into the body. The competitor begins by lifting his feet off the floor while balancing on his hands. With one hand the competitor reaches up to strike the target while maintaining his balance on the other hand. The striking hand must touch the ground before any other part of the body does so. (Males only)”

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(Photo: Sol Neelman)

6.     The Airplane

“The competitor lies on the floor, face down, with arms straight out in an ‘iron cross’ position. Four assistants lift the competitor two to three feet off of the floor and carry him forward at a constant speed. When the competitor’s body or arms begin to sag, he drops. Longest distance before dropping wins. (Males only)”

7.     The Triple Jump 

“Using a running or standing start, the competitor completes three consecutive jumps. Feet must stay no more than shoulder width apart. The shortest distance from the back of the starting line to the nearest point touched by any part of the competitor’s body wins.”

While there are more self-explanatory Arctic Sports – including arm pull, stick pull and other jump categories, these were the most… illuminating of the bunch. In 2016, Greenland will host the games solo for the first time ever, so Arctic champion Tonny Fisker took me to the local high school gym where he and other athletes were training… Check out the video above for all the arm pulling, head pulling, stuffed seal kicking, and airplaning in action. It’s pretty fascinating. I swear.


Bored? Go Bobsledding – It’ll Put the Hair Back on Your Chest

I spent New Year’s Eve in St. Moritz — which is weird for me. I don’t like cold weather, I’m not an especially gifted skier (read: awkward-as-heck skier), and starting the new year off in a town full of famously wealthy people didn’t really do it for me. I had visions of that scene in Dumb and Dumberwhen Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels go to Aspen all kitted out… and fit right in. But, a bunch of my friends I’d met in Afghanistan the year before were all convening for a ski race in St. Moritz to benefit the Afghan Ski Challenge and I missed them. So I booked a ticket and thought, “Now what?”

Related: Avalanches, Death Threats and No Lifts. Welcome to the Most Dangerous Ski Race in the World

Cool Runnings in St. Moritz — the Most Fun You Can Have on Ice

With Florence, Henrietta, and Beatrice as the bobs run by. (Photo: Paula Froelich)

And then my pal Beatrice told me about bobsledding.

“The Swiss championships are on right now— let’s go!” Beatrice said.

“Absolutely,” I agreed.

“And then you can go for a ride,” she said. “It will be the best two-and-a-half minutes of your life — if you don’t die.”

“What?!”

“Don’t worry,” she assured me, it will probably be fine. Just try to keep your head up so you can see when you turn the bends and enter the horseshoe [the bend where you go full vertical]. It’s a bit difficult with the g-force.”

So we tramped over to the Olympia Bob Run — which has been in operation since 1904 and is the only natural ice run in the world, meaning every year the club hires people to carve the ice run, which must be done with precision as even the slightest fault means death as you hurtle 90 mph down the icy slope. Or at the very least, a lot of broken bones.

Related: Like Danger? Take the Anticarjacking Class at the Ultimate Driving School 

The manager of the Olympia Bob Run, Damian Gianola, was a good friend of Beatrice’s — which is fortunate, as guests can book rides, but they book out fast so, if you’re going to the area, call ahead. Damian got me a seat on the last run of the day and suited me up:

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Step One: Put on your face mask. Yes, it looks like I’m about to rob a store. No, I did not.

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Step Two: Pick a helmet.

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Avalanches, Death Threats, and No Lifts. Welcome to the World’s Craziest Ski Race

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyAsqKdV6Mg

When one thinks of Afghanistan, one usually does not think of skiing.

There are several reasons for this.

  1. Afghanistan has been war-ravaged for decades.

  2. Afghanistan,” “leisure sports,” and “fun, relaxing time” are not things ever associated with one another in many peoples’ minds.
  3. There are no ski lifts in Afghanistan.
  4. There are people in Afghanistan, right this very second,actively trying to kill/maim/torture anyone with a Western passport. To make it worse, those very same people really don’t like people who have the audacity to have been born with female genitalia.

  5. The country doesn’t exactly scream, “Hey, people, come hang out and spend some of those lucrative tourist dollars!

 

  1. The altitude up there can exceed 11,000 feet, making it very hard to breathe properly when there is not a lot of oxygen floating around. Not ideal when you have to scale a mountain on foot with skis strapped to your back in order to shuss down it.

  2. There are no ski shops within 5,000 miles. Not super convenient if you forgot your long underwear.
  3. There are no female ski instructors (there are a few men who have been trained), and women are not allowed to be alone with men in any situation.

I could go on, but you get the gist.

Avalanches, Death Threats, and No Lifts. Welcome to the World’s Most Dangerous Ski Race

Trekking up the mountain range. (Photo: Paula Froelich)

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Forget Sochi: Have Your Own Private Olympics (with Video!)

Photo courtesy of Atos.

Photo courtesy of Atos International.

There’s so many reasons not to bother with the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia this year.  Let’s count them, shall we?

1. The virulent anti-homophobia that has gripped Russia courtesy of Vladimir Putin (despite the most watched winter sports being dominated by the gays. I’m not here to out anyone but if a dude has custom ice skates on and and a matching lycra outfit, there’s a pretty safe bet to be placed that he won’t be sidling up to any Playboy parties anytime soon).

2. THERE’S NO HOTEL ROOMS – even for the people (media) who let Russian officials know they’d be coming, oh, A YEAR ago. From USA Today:

A stray dog inside the hotel, building dust everywhere and debris scattered all around. That’s what some Olympic-accredited visitors have found on arrival in the mountains above Sochi.According to the Sochi Olympic organizing committee, only six of the nine media hotels in the mountain area are fully operational. The accommodation for athletes, however, has not been affected by the problems.

3. This lady and all her bomb-happy pals – there are apparently, more than five – who are really, really angry at Putin and have threatened to blow some (read: any) shizz up. Oh yeah – and she made it through security.

Run if you see this woman.

4. And let’s not forget the fact that NBC, in an attempt to corral ad dollars into prime time, doesn’t like to run the Olympics live, so by the time you watch the main events they are already on the interwebs and the events the network deems unworthy (like mine and Putins favorite, rhythmic gymnastics) they don’t bother to show at all.

So, my duckies, I present an alternative for you – Chile. In August, all the Olympics skiers train their butts off at Valle Nevado (home of the aforementioned Man Stew) and Portillo ski resorts. Where you can watch Olympians do their things without crowds or bombers… and then party with them later that night.

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