That One Time I Got Made Up To Look Like Baby Jane’s Batshit Crazy Older Sister

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Ever been on the road and realized you forgot your make up bag and started mentally kicking yourself, because that shizz is expensive to replace? I’ve been there – but there is a super cheap, if perhaps not the most sanitary, answer: kohl.

When I was visiting with the bedouin in Jordan, my friend Suleiman took me to see his (female) neighbor who decided that I needed some… beautifying.

Related: Ladies Night in Jordan: Not as Tame as You’d Think

“Women wear kohl for weddings,” Suleiman explained.

“Um, I’m not getting married anytime soon,” I said, kind of laughing, while looking around for an exit. “Really. I’m NOT.”

“It is not just for that,” Suleiman quickly added.

Cleopatra, Elizabeth Taylor and Bette Davis All Loved a (Cheap) Bedouin Kohl Eye

This is what I thought I was going to look like…

According to Suleiman, kohl around the eyes can do pretty much everything but watch your goats, including: protect your eyes from the sun, cure styes, and grow your eyelashes. I also started envisioning myself as Elizabeth Taylor/Cleopatra, so, I figured “why not?”

Related: How to Go Full Local in Jordan

Suleiman’s neighbor then cooked up a batch of kohl by putting an iron pot over a burning fire, and scraping the blackened char off.

“That’s it?” I asked.

“That’s it,” Suleiman said as his neighbor came at me to apply it with a matchstick end.

“Oh well. I’ve come this far,” I thought. “I’ve had my tetanus shot and my health insurance is still active so… why not?”

The result:

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Not exactly Elizabeth Taylor… but you get the idea.

I was just psyched that when she insisted on doing my eyebrows, the neighbor (who refused to be named or photographed due to her custom) didn’t give me a unibrow. I had enough of that in high school. Fun fact: Kohl doesn’t come off easily so you will have the Cleopatra look for about two days. Hot.

I later realized I looked familiar. Like I’d just been to a celebrity lookalike camp and drawn the short straw. I now present the evidence:

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Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? Not sure but her older sister’s in the Jordanian desert! 

For more on the Suleiman and the bedouin lifestyle, check out this video in which I name a goat (who will likely be eaten soon), and gulp down desert coffee like a caffeine addicted camel:


 

I Love Me Some Bedouin Hospitality – And Their Goats

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Hundreds of years ago, nomadic tribes roamed the Arabian and Syrian deserts. Living in tents and traveling on camels, they were the merchants of the desert — operating trade routes and bartering livestock. Over the years, they converted to Islam, and some settled down into villages, and nowadays most carry cellphones; but in one corner of the Dana Nature Reserve in the southern Jordanian desert, not much else has changed except the transportation.

Travel Back In Time With the Bedouin of Jordan

Little has changed for the Jordanian Bedouin in centuries. 

Suleiman Hassasseen, 26, helps run the the Feynan Eco Lodge, a fully sustainable hotel in the Dana Reserve that uses solar power, solar heating, and composting to reduce its environmental impact. While he and his family cater to foreigners who come for the nearby 12,000-year-old archaeology sites or the nature hikes, Suleiman still lives much as his ancestors did at the turn of the last century.

Related: How to Go Full Local in Jordan

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Hanging with Suleiman.

About a mile from the lodge is Suleiman’s (main) family tent, woven by his mother and composed of woolen blankets and plastic sheeting, and another smaller tent, which houses his father’s second wife. Surrounding the tents are pens for the goats and sheep, which Suleiman and his family herd into the nearby mountains daily, and two pickup trucks — the only concession to modernism.

“We move twice a year with the seasons,” Suleiman said. “In the summer we go to the shade of the mountains, and in the winter we move out of the wind.”

Related: Ladies’ Night in Amman, Jordan

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Freedom, Rights, Rape and ISIS: Graffiti Art Expresses Frustration in the Middle East

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On the road from the airport in Amman to the city’s center — one thing becomes obvious: not only does the city have  a lot of graffiti everywhere… but it seems to be celebrated.

And when you look a little closer, you start to realize it’s not just haphazard graffiti. It‘s art — and there’s a message.

WATCH: Women’s Rights, ISIS, and Freedom: Jordanian Street Art Expresses Its Frustration

I met up with Laila Ajjawi, a budding graffiti star. Her mural is part of the Women On Walls project behind the Ras Al Ain Gallery in Amman, Jordan’s capital. The wall that features the project is the longest graffiti wall in the Middle East and the artwork is all created by female artists.

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Laila’s mural, “Look at my Mind”

“My mural is about what’s in my mind. What people can’t — or won’t — see,” Laila said. She is a Palestinian refugee who has a Jordanian passport. Laila grew up in a Palestinian refugee camp in the north of Jordan. She had taken a four-hour bus ride from there to meet with me.

“it’s about expression, and I try to use my art to tell a story and help others express themselves.” Laila’s main medium is oil paint and this was her first graffiti project.

“I want to do more and art can be a conduit for change,” she told me. “There are so many issues facing women in the Middle East: women’s rights — how we are treated, for example. Right now, if you are a woman and a Jordanian and have a child with a Palestinian, your child will not have Jordanian citizenship. Citizenship is passed down only through men.” Laila has done a lot of work in the refugee camps — Palestinian, Iraqi, and Syrian — helping women confront their fears and their situations through art.

Suhaib Attar is another local graffiti artist in Amman.

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Suhaib Attar with his oceanic creation in Amman

“My parents were worried [about art as a career choice] at first, but they are okay with it now,” Suhaib said.

“People will call me to come in and do projects — it’s great. A few years ago the street art scene was almost non existent, but it’s flourishing now,” he continued. “I also do a lot of work with Syrian refugees and the children in those camps, getting them to try to open up about how they feel and what is going on. What they’ve been through is just awful. It’s horrific — and they are not allowed to leave the camps.”

Suhaib works with AptArt, an organization that uses art to inspire children in conflict zones to breed positivity instead of hate.

“ISIS and the civil war has robbed them of their childhood,” Suhaib said.

How Single Ladies DO in Jordan (Yep, There’s Tinder)

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Most people assume single women in the Middle East are — how shall we say this? — stymied; that it’s difficult for them to have a social life, date, or go out at night. In Jordan, at least, people who assume that would be wrong.

WATCH: Ladies’ Night in Amman, Jordan — Not as Tame as You Might Think

Amman by night (Photo: Thinkstock)

On a recent trip to Jordan, I met up with my single friend, Muna Haddad, in the capital city of Amman to hang out on a Friday night. While Muna still lives with her parents (single women do not live alone, not just in the Middle East but in many places in Europe and South America as well), her life is not dissimilar to a single woman’s life in much of the United States. She attends parties, shops, and goes to clubs and (as she is Christian; many Muslims do not drink alcohol) bars.

Related: A Broad Abroad: How to Go Full Local in Jordan

Our first stop was Hashem Falafel, which is so good even the King of Jordan eats here, despite it looking decidedly un-kingly.

Afterwards, we shopped and then headed to Jordan Bar, Jordan’s oldest bar, established in 1945, for a beer and a glass of arak — a traditional Jordanian alcoholic drink that’s clear until it’s mixed with water and turns a milky color. Despite alcohol being labelled a controlled substance, it is still freely served in the country’s many bars and nightclubs.

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How to go Full Local in Jordan

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It may be obvious, but the Middle East is very different from the rest of the world. Even in Jordan, which is considered a liberal country, visitors can make mistakes without knowing it (especially if they are left-handed; it’s the hand you use in the John).

Related: What Life Is REALLY Like For Women in the Middle East

WATCH: How to Go Full Local in Jordan

Petra, Jordan (Thinkstock)

Yes, I know the so-called Islamic State is all over the news and people are scared of the region right now. But those in the know — and those who love history — are aware of several things: Jordan is committed to the fight against IS. Jordan has the second-best military in the region (besides Israel). There have been no attacks in Jordan due to its excellent security. And now is the time to go. Sites like Petra, normally packed with tourists, are empty and open for exploration. That, and the country is pretty much on sale — prices are down and you can enjoy a five-star trip at half the cost. As locals in the country like to say, “We can’t help it — we live in a rough neighborhood, but our block is fine.”

Related: Heaven on Earth: A Hidden Oasis in the Arabian Desert

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A local Jordanian — so friendly.

But, as I always say — know (the local customs) before you go. You will have a better time and make more friends — which, in a friendly country like Jordan, is easy to do. Trust.

Surfing: Not as Easy as it Looks (Read: I Almost Died)

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About two months ago — right in the middle of Snowmageddon 2015 — my pal Eric Ripert called me up and said, “We are filming an episode of my show [Avec Eric] in Puerto Rico — want to come learn how to surf with me?”

I took one look out the window and about half a nanosecond later said, “HELL YEAH!”

In hindsight, I don’t know why I thought surfing was such a great idea.

1. I get seasick at the drop of a rudder.

2. I have a healthy respect for the ocean and all living things within it. [Read: I am petrified of sharks. So what if there hasn’t been a fatal attack there since 1924.]

3. I’ve never been known for my balance.

Related: The Top 5 Reasons to Go to Puerto Rico — Right Now

But I’ve always liked the idea of surfing. It just looks so cool — you know? My friends do it and say it’s like meditating on the water — and I love meditating … you just sit there! I’m GREAT at sitting!

So off I went.

WATCH: Wipeout! Surfing With Famed Chef Eric Ripert in Puerto Rico. Not as Easy as It Looks

I met Eric at Rincon Beach — the surf capital of Puerto Rico — and our instructor, Jen, from the Rincon Surf School all duded up in my new wetsuit (which of course I bought, as I knew I was going to be SO GOOD at this I’d need this wetsuit forever).

“I cannot swim very well,” Eric said. He was already starting to sweat. “I am nervous.”

“It’ll be fine,” I said. So confident. So cool. So… wrong.

Related: Old San Juan: The Best Quick (and Cheap!) Weekend Getaway 

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A storm was blowing in — so even getting the 12 foot surfboard to the water was challenging … and then there were the 6-foot swells.

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An hour later, Eric and I were clutching the sand on shore for dear life — he with a minor back injury, me with bits of rocks embedded in my shoulder and heaving my lunch out on the sand. (Remember my seasickness issue?)

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The Broad Did It! She Schooled Foodie King Eric Ripert on the BEST Fish Taco. Ever.

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It’s not easy to introduce the king of restaurants, chef Eric Ripert, to a Puerto Rico seafood shack he’s never heard of. The restauranteur and host of the Cooking Channel show “Avec Eric” is married to a Puerto Rican (my pal Sondra) and has visited the island at least three times a year for the past 20 years. But I did it. (!!)

Eric was shooting his show in Puerto Rico and called to see if I wanted to come down and learn to surf. Obviously, I said (HECK) yes.

Related: Top 5 Reasons to Visit Puerto Rico — Right Now

WATCH: Schooling The Food King, Eric Ripert, In Puerto Rico

We met up at his hotel, the Condado Vanderbilt (as opposed to my hotel — the Courtyard Marriott), and when I found out he hadn’t been to my favorite food shack, Tresbe, I was shocked. Floored, even.

“But it has the best fish tacos ever,” I said.

“OK, we go then!” Eric said.

Related: How to Go Full Local in Puerto Rico 

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A half hour later we were digging into the dream tacos, ceviche, empanadas and … pretty much everything on the menu.

“Oh, this is gooood,” Eric said. “So light, so fresh!”

And somewhere, I felt like I won the food gods’ approval.

Go now and school your friends and family. It’s that good.

Related: Old San Juan, the Best Quick (and Cheap) Weekend Getaway

*Weird editor’s note: There are times in traveling when you think no one is around. Someone asks you to do something like, say, sing on top of a piano in a bar and you think, “Why not? I’ll never see any of these people again?” And then you… do. I hadn’t seen Eric in a while — but he’d seen me. A few years back, while in Hanoi, Vietnam, I’d been invited out by a couple communist officials who wanted to play a joke on the American — by taking me to lunch where only hard alcohol was served and instead of water there was beer. Little did they know I was raised on and below the Mason Dixon Line. Six hours later, not unlike that scene in “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” they were on the floor and I was at the bar of the Sofiftel Metropole Hotel belting out show tunes. Apparently, Eric was shooting a show there at the time, was walking through and …

“Hey, I saw you!” he said. “I was so dirty — I had been out in the fields all day so I thought, ‘I will go change and come down, but then I fell asleep. You were having so much fun and entertaining the room.’”

Enter the face palm.

Petra, Jordan: Go. NOW. It’s Beautiful. It’s Safe. And Right Now, it’s Empty

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The problem with the Seven Wonders of the World is… they are usually packed with tourists. They are on almost everyone’s bucket list, they are insanely beautiful, and oftentimes, despite being inanimate objects, they have their own public relations and marketing teams. Which makes for huge crowds (think the Colosseum in Rome) and, if you’re like me, panic attacks.

Go Now: The New Seventh Wonder of the World — That’s Empty.

Normally, Petra would be packed with tourists. I basically had my own private tour of the place — something only people like Prince Charles or Cher get. 

While most people think of Petra as being the Treasury — the huge, imposing facade that was featured in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade — it is so much more.

Related: Travel Back in Time With the Bedouin of Jordan 

According to my friend Abdullah Al Wahsh, “Petra is 50 square kilometers. Even if you spent eight hours a day for three days straight, you still wouldn’t see it all.”

Established by the Nabataeans in 312 B.C., near the biblical Mount Hor in Wadi Araba, the large valley running from the Dead Sea to the Gulf of Aqaba, it was the crux of an ancient trading route — and perfectly hidden.

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You have to go through miles of paths like this to get into the city.

“Because it’s in a canyon — and you had to go  through the canyon to get there, from far away, no one could see it. For a long time, people thought it was mythical,” Abdullah said. “They picked this site for protection — and access to water. The site has an intricate system of canals and irrigation.”

Related: How to Go Full Local in Jordan 

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5 Reasons to Hit Puerto Rico – RIGHT NOW

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I’ll admit it: I was a little late to the Puerto Rico game. Thankfully, due to Snowmageddon this year, I finally cottoned on to our cousin in the Caribbean. Now that I’ve drunk the Kool-Aid, I’m bound and determined to get everyone there — if only so that when people ask me, “Where should I go for a quick, easy, cheap getaway?” (this happens all the time) I can point them to this article.

Here are five reasons you really should go now.

1. It’s cheap and easy.

WATCH: Top 5 Reasons to Go to Puerto Rico Now

Most major airlines fly there, including JetBlue, and the price of a ticket can be up to $200 cheaper than a flight to Miami. Bonus: If you live on the East Coast, it’s quick. From JFK airport, for example, it’s only three and a half hours to San Juan, which is just slightly longer than a flight to Miami.

Related: How to Go Full Local in Puerto Rico

2. You can vacation like J.Lo at half the price.

The hotels in San Juan are some of the chicest I’ve ever seen. Jennifer Lopez stayed at Hotel El Convento — the Chateau Marmont of the Caribbean, located in the heart of the Old City — which has weekend rates starting at less than $500 a night. If you want to bump up the price a bit, check out theCondado Vanderbilt. The recently refurbished hotel was built in 1912 by Frederick William Vanderbilt in a Spanish revival style, and has been the height of luxury ever since. Rates start at around $300 a night — expensive, but still a fraction of the cost of a luxury hotel in Miami.

3. History, history, history!

While the beach is nice, it’s even nicer that if you need a break, there’s actually something else to do. Puerto Rico’s forts and cathedrals date back to the 16th century, when Spain ruled the island.

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