Category Archives: Where To Go

How To (Accidentally) Look Like A Hooker In Iraq

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Spot the problems...

Spot the problems…

Fun fact: there are three major problems with this photo – and two minor ones (which you can’t see). So there I was, in Baghdad, feeling all sorts of appropriately dressed in my Jil Sander for Uniqlo dress. I mean, come one – look at it. It’s black, long, and when I saw it on the rack I immediately thought, “Oooooh, perfect for Iraq!” and “Burkha chic has come to the States, who knew?” It’s not like I was gonna buy it for a hot NYC summer except to possibly throw it over my head in the morning to walk the dog. After all, it was semi shapeless and although it was really comfy and made of thin (yet not see through) cotton, it made me look like I could be pregnant. Which, if I was pregnant, that’d be okay. BUT I’M NOT.

So, I thought yeah – Iraq. Awesome. It’s roomy, will breathe, and adheres to strict Muslim dictates, right? Wrong.

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The Stuff That Got Away [Or, Things I Should’ve Bought When I’d Had The Chance]

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I'm a haggler, not a fighter...

I’m a haggler, not a fighter…

I’m not really a hoarder, I swear. But I do like to buy things that remind me of my trips. And I usually do well – not too much, not too little. But  then there’s the stuff that got away. There’s not many things that I regret not purchasing, but there are a few items that I’ve passed up that I still think about. Years later, like some dude who asked me out in my 20’s and I said no and now realize I probably should’ve given him a shot. How effed up is that? Anyhoo – I present the list:

1. The Tuareg ear cuffs. These things are all the rage right now (except they are knock offs being sold by designer labels for hundreds). And I could’ve had them first. UGH. There I was in TImbuktu, haggling my butt off and I just got tired and walked away. I saw a few more cuffs over the next few days, but thought, “I’ll come back.” And then the Civil War started and I had to leave. (Story on that later). It now KILLS me to see them on another woman’s ear. BUT – the woman below is selling hers on Etsy. I suggest you order a pair.

Very Mad Max… How it looks on whitey

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My 2014 Bucket List

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Lake in MongoliaNo, I haven’t been everywhere… and some places I don’t go to because I’m a conscientious objector (Zimbabwe and Uganda, anyone?)… but I can still dream. And plan. Because dictators, xenophobia, and me being broke wont last forever! Besides – what better way to spend a slow, freezing Saturday than to dream about unending travel possibilities? That, and I think there’s something really good about writing down your dreams. It makes them come true faster. I swear.  And so, I present to you my dream list of places to go (and why).

1. Mongolia (above): there is just something so poetically lonely in this landscape… It sounds lame to say, but it calls to me. And I’ve always wanted to see the famous wild horse races…

2. The Tsukiji Fish Market, Tokyo: Ok, fine – Tokyo too. And Kyoto. But, as I’ve mentioned before, I cant scuba dive… and I have a thing for fish markets. And this one is supposed to be the best in the world. Besides, who doesn’t love Toro right out of the ocean at 3 am?

yummy

yummy

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Ladies: Thank God Every Day You Weren’t Born A Woman In Mali

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The discarded women of Mali live behind these walls. Photo from Family Care International.

I have mixed feeling towards Mali. I loved my time there and would go back in a heart beat… but. and it’s a big BUT. It’s one of the few countries in the world where female genital mutilation is still widely practiced and is legal. Many countries at least pay lip service and outlaw the practice on the books (it is performed anyway). But at least if it is technically illegal – it can be prosecuted AND when a government publicly proclaims something to be illegal, it is the first step in the permanent eradication against FGM. If FGM is still legal, there is not even a toe hold for the battle to begin.

On my three and a half week journey up the Niger River, we stopped at a small village, miles from any road and days from a major city. A woman who looked to be about 50 [she was 31] came up to me crying, begging and pleading. My interpreter said, “She wants to know if you have medicine. She is sick.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“All women out here have the female cut when they are young. When they get married and have children, there are problems. She is in a lot of pain. If something doesn’t happen she will be turned out.”

TURNED OUT. As in – you are no good to your husband anymore so get the hell out. The “lucky” ones end up at the Fistule hospital in Mopti, where the women and some of their children have a roof over their head and access to food. The unlucky ones just disappear.

This shop next to the Fistule home is how the women make money to eat. Photo from the Catholic Relief Services.

The hospital – which is really more of a “retirement home” for women past their prime (read: anyone who has had complications due to an unsanitary and brutal cut)  is a few blocks from the port of Mopti and the courtyard is full of discarded women and their children. Next to the mud walled courtyard is a small metal shop which sells jewelry and trinkets made by the women in an attempt to get money to eat and pay their rent at the home (because yeah – it ain’t free).

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The Khe San Slambook

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Khe San Today

Along the old DMZ zone in Vietnam, the war is still being played out, this time between the tourists. The battle is played out in the pages of the Visitors Book at Khe San, the notorious battle site outside of Quang Tri where the Marines were under siege by the North Vietnamese for over four months in 1968 during the Tet Offensive. The government memorial proclaims a victory for the North Vietnamese Army – a notion disputed by Americans. Lying in the back, behind bomb remnants, pictures of Americans “fleeing in fright!” (boarding a carrier during Operation Charlie), and mannequins of VietCong women sewing a flag ala Betsy Ross, is the visitors comment book. Which reads like an international high school slam book:

“Never trust an American – they speak with fork (sic) tongue, Vietnamese, you guys rock!” – Jeff, from “The World.”

[Underneath the previous message]:  “FUCK YOU,” – USA

Let’s be clear. Khe San was a horrific, long battle. And the wounds have yet to heal for many people [From militaryhistory.com: Lasting 77 days, the “siege” of Khe Sanh saw American and South Vietnamese forces suffer 703 killed, 2,642 wounded, and 7 missing. North Vietnamese losses are not known with accuracy but are estimated at between 10,000-15,000 dead and wounded].

It gets worse. For more fighting words and pics of the pages, continue after the jump.

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10 Reasons Why You Should Go To Egypt RIGHT NOW

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IMG_2630

The Egyptian economy might be in the dumps and the political situation fairly unstable but the US government just relaxed the travel warnings against it and Egypt is the best deal going right now. I just got back and had the TIME OF MY LIFE. I swear. After the jump I present the top ten reasons (and deals!) why you should book your trip to Egypt NOW:

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Forget Sochi: Have Your Own Private Olympics (with Video!)

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Photo courtesy of Atos.

Photo courtesy of Atos International.

There’s so many reasons not to bother with the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia this year.  Let’s count them, shall we?

1. The virulent anti-homophobia that has gripped Russia courtesy of Vladimir Putin (despite the most watched winter sports being dominated by the gays. I’m not here to out anyone but if a dude has custom ice skates on and and a matching lycra outfit, there’s a pretty safe bet to be placed that he won’t be sidling up to any Playboy parties anytime soon).

2. THERE’S NO HOTEL ROOMS – even for the people (media) who let Russian officials know they’d be coming, oh, A YEAR ago. From USA Today:

A stray dog inside the hotel, building dust everywhere and debris scattered all around. That’s what some Olympic-accredited visitors have found on arrival in the mountains above Sochi.According to the Sochi Olympic organizing committee, only six of the nine media hotels in the mountain area are fully operational. The accommodation for athletes, however, has not been affected by the problems.

3. This lady and all her bomb-happy pals – there are apparently, more than five – who are really, really angry at Putin and have threatened to blow some (read: any) shizz up. Oh yeah – and she made it through security.

Run if you see this woman.

4. And let’s not forget the fact that NBC, in an attempt to corral ad dollars into prime time, doesn’t like to run the Olympics live, so by the time you watch the main events they are already on the interwebs and the events the network deems unworthy (like mine and Putins favorite, rhythmic gymnastics) they don’t bother to show at all.

So, my duckies, I present an alternative for you – Chile. In August, all the Olympics skiers train their butts off at Valle Nevado (home of the aforementioned Man Stew) and Portillo ski resorts. Where you can watch Olympians do their things without crowds or bombers… and then party with them later that night.

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The Hottest Party In Baghdad [Read: I’m Too Hungover To Post Words Today. Don’t Judge. The Superbowl’s In Town]

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It’s one of those days (don’t judge – the Superbowl has come to NYC and I’m off to the Miami Heat/NYC New York Knicks game tonight).

The Italian troops partying at the Italian embassy in Baghdad.

The Italian troops partying at the Italian embassy in Baghdad.

So. yeah. There’s no partying per se in Baghdad (except for that one club, but that’s a story for another time). So what’s an expat gonna do when he/she just needs to let off some steam?
The best time in Baghdad is found at the Italian embassy – which every Friday and Saturday used to (and presumably still does because really, not much has changed) host parties in the back yard which consisted of booze, bars and a bunch of Italian paratrooopers busting their shirts off and getting on the bar to shake their stuff. I think the “HOLY CRAP IT’S CHRISTMAS!!!” look on the blonde lady’s face says it all. And, just because I really love you all, after the jump, the rear view:

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Brazil: Home Of The Worst [read: Best] Trinkets Ever.

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I can't get enough of this - the reverse Romulus and Remus painting. This little guy went on to build the wolf version of Rome.

I can’t get enough of this – the reverse Romulus and Remus painting I found in Morretes, Brazil. This little guy (on the left) went on to build the wolf version of Rome.

Everyone knows I love a good market. I even pack collapsible bags on my trips for countries [Laos, Vietnam, Iraq, Guatemala] that have really good markets where I can pick up things to either decorate my apartment or give out as gifts. So, it was with high hopes that I went to Brazil – specifically Iguazu, Morretes and Curitiba.

I had visions of the indigenous market at Chichicastanenga in Guatemala or the night market in Luang Prabang, Laos… I was so wrong. So, so very wrong.

While I didn’t end up buying anything, I did photograph the wares on offer for your viewing pleasure.

Side note: the only reason I didn’t buy every single one of these mementos is because I live in a tiny Soho apartment. In my fantasy world, I have an apartment that is so big I have an entire room dedicated to awesomely bad art. Until then, I only have the pictures. Sad face.

Behold, some awesomely bad art/weird tchotchkes and so much more (including a wooden dildo) after the jump :

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The Redneck Mecca of Stage Coach: Where America’s Stereotypes Come Alive

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Once a year, Rednecks from all over the world convene in the desert outside of Palm Springs for the Stage Coach festival where a bunch of (mostly) white people become inebriated, perform assless chaps dance offs (see video above) and listen to country music.

There are stereotypes for a reason and Stage Coach represents what much of the world think of when they think of Murrica. I, obviously, try to go every year (Ed Note: Little known fact, the Broad loves country music. And Stereotypes. And Bad behavior – which abounds). By the final night of the festival, brains have been fried by the sun, smokes and gallons of booze. And that’s when it gets really interesting.

Last year, to Stage Coach’s credit, they did try to integrate the stage (and thus the crowd) by having Darius Rucker and Charlie Parker perform – but frankly, only Charlie Parker counts.

And then there’s the fashion. Check out the best selling T-Shirts/bikinis from the stalls. It is all sorts of wrong. Trust.

(After the jump) Behold: AMERICA!

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