Category Archives: Africa

A Cuddle With Baby Cheetahs? HELL YES!

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I’m a huge fan of getting up close and personal with the locals… especially if those locals just happen to be 2 feet long, furry, and endangered. So, when I heard I had the chance to cuddle with a group of baby cheetahs, my first thought was: “Oh hell yes! We must do this immediately.”

Related: On the Frontlines of the Rhino “Genocide”: Saving a Species on the Brink

The Cheetah Outreach center on the edge of Cape Town, South Africa, is “an education and community-based program created to raise awareness of the plight of the cheetah and to campaign for its survival,” according to its website. Their motto is “See it. Sense it. Save it,” and for a mere $12, you can go and pet baby cheetahs. For the same amount, you can get your picture taken with an adult cheetah (hence, the rise of Tinder cheetah pics in South Africa). Sadly, I arrived too late for the adults — but not the babies! 

For more info click here.

The Best (Human) Guides to South Africa. Call Them Now.

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I am a firm believer in having real, live guides — especially when you’re traveling to a country you have never visited before. Humans enhance your trip more than a book or website ever could. They will tell you stories and help you brainstorm activities that you never dreamed were possible. They’ll show you the insider spots that you would never know to look for without a local.

With that in mind, here are my favorite guides in South Africa — a vast and varied country with wildlife, culture, booze and so much more.

1. Theo Pieters

Your Ultimate (Human) Guides to South Africa

A former police officer, and now a veritable “fixer” and director with White Rivers Exploration, Theo was invaluable to me during my South Africa trip. Acting not only as a bodyguard (which I needed in downtown Johannesburg), he was my driver, guide, and, eventually, friend. It is because of Theo that I learned about the Adrenaline Driving School, where I learned how to do a J turn and how to flee from from hijackers (should the occasion arise) in the Ultimate Driving Course.

He’s also responsible for introducing me to Vincent Barkas of Protrack Anti Poaching, the wonders of biltong and wors and … almost everything else.

Related: On the Frontlines of the Rhino “Genocide”: Saving a Species on the Brink

Though he’s based in Johannesburg, Theo travels all over the country, so you can ask him to meet you anywhere. He will also tell you fun stories about the times he did security for Celine Dion and John Legend.

Email: Theo.pieters@whiterivers.co.za

2. Dimi Roro

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Want to know the real ins and outs of Soweto and Johannesburg? Dimi is your lady. Thanks to her, I got to see the shebeen queen of Soweto, the Muthi healer, and Faraday Market. She’s fun as heck and she knows everybody. As a journalist, she also knows how to get almost anything done.

Email: Dimiroro007@gmail.com

3. David Forrestimage

A historian, David, who works with the South African Tourism Board, is a must if you are interested in South Africa’s past. He knows almost everything about anything historical and is delightful company. Based in Johannesburg, David can travel all over the country and is happy to meet you wherever you go and suggest itineraries.

Email: davidforrest@telkomsa.net

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On the Frontlines of the Rhino “Genocide”: Saving A Species on the Brink

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When most travelers head to Africa for a safari vacation they are hoping to spot the “Big Five.” That is shorthand for the big game— lion, elephant, buffalo, leopard and rhino. But, if things don’t change and soon, they will only ever get a chance to see the “Big Four.”

To date, there are only 26,000 rhinos left in Africa — 80 percent of which are in South Africa, mostly in Kruger National Park. Last year, 1,004 rhinos were killed in South Africa. So far this year, the number has climbed to 618, with the toll in Kruger at 400.

Since 1992, Vincent Barkas has been on the front lines of what he calls the “Rhino Genocide” in South Africa. His small unit of just over 100 men patrol the area just south of Kruger in Hoedspruit, South Africa, searching for rhino poachers.

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Things To Do In Bamako When You’re Bored

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One day you may find yourself in Bamako, the capital of Mali. I know – crazy, right? But never say never! And if you ever want to see Timbuktu (which I suggest you do), you will have to go through Bamako. Besides, as I learned the hard way, YOU JUST DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE GONNA END UP! And, as some of you may be aware by now, one of my (many) mottos is: Poor Planning Pisses Me Off.

So, After the jump I present you with a list of fun filled, fabulously odd things to do in Bamako that may just change your life:

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You Know What Would’ve Been Really Cool? If There’d Been a Miss Universe Contest Circa 1782

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Oh Heeeyyyyyyyyy….

Throughout history, women have always had things done to them to make them “beautiful.” Nowadays,  we pluck, wax, shave, inject, and silicon bag ourselves all so we can be pretty. But the saddest part is, due to globalisation, everyone kind of looks the same.

When traveling and visiting historical sites or archaeological digs, you quickly start to realize that that chick to the left in the  Santa suit would’ve been passed over by pretty much every guy on the planet a few hundred years ago. Back in the day, before airplanes and all that, beauty was pretty subjective and every region had it’s own idea of what was hot. Most of which we’d find pretty hideously fascinating today.

Take for example the Mayans. Now they used to think women with flat foreheads, crossed eyes and razor sharp, piranha like teeth were the shizznit. So, according to my guide in Chichicastenanga (Guatemala), when Mayan girls were very young, boards would be tied to their heads with a bead hanging from it (so the eyes would be trained to cross) and their teeth were filed to sharp points to look like Jaws. Don’t even get me started on what their talent would be… I have no clue. But the imagination boggles – biting through trees? Severing chicken heads? Pillaging neighboring Incan villages?

Hello, gorgeous…

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Use It Or Lose It: Awesome Last Minute Vacations

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It’s that time of the year – where you have to use your vacation days or lose them – and why lose them? WHY? You worked your butt off all year and deserve a break. Besides, with this weather we’re having, you might just go crazy if you don’t skip off somewhere. Consider this a Public Service Announcement…. Broad style!

Because it’s last minute, I’m thinking cheap, fun and NO STAY-CATIONS! Especially not when it’s snowy out. Unless you live by a ski resort.

After the jump, the best last minute deals:

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Deep Thoughts: “Jumping For Virility” Starring The Germans And The Samburu Warriors (With Video)

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Germany’s Natalie Geisenberger (5thL), Felix Loch (6thL),Tobias Arlt (6th R) and Tobias Wendt (5th R) leap on the podium celebrating their first place in the luge team relay competition between second-placed Russia and third-placed Latvia teams at the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics

Germans love to jump. They will jump in groups (above). They will jump solo (below).

Felix Loch of Germany jumps onto the podium after he won the gold medal during the men’s singles luge final at the 2014

And they will also travel specifically to get pictures of themselves jumping. Like Tobias – a 31 year old  German computer engineer who liked to travel to “dangerous places and take pictures of myself jumping on famous things!”

I met Tobias when I went to Iraq – he was part of a motley crew of people who all decided to vacation in a semi-war zone. More on Tobias the jumper and my theory on Germans vs. The Samburu Warriors after the jump:

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The Biker Girl Gangs Of Marrakech Via NYC

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When I saw the words: “Biker” “girl” “culture” “Morocco” in a headline I immediately assumed someone was playing a drunken game of Mad Libs on me – but no! There really is such a thing and it’s not an oxymoron. Who Knew? You know I love me some Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves shizz so I bring you news of the new exhibit in NYC – Hassan Hajjaj: Kesh Angels at the Taymour Grahne Gallery on Hudson Street – and DAMN is it cool!

According to the brochure:

Marking the artist’s first exhibition in New York, ‘Kesh Angels presents a unique take on the vibrant street culture of Morocco and pays tribute to the biker culture of the young women of Marrakesh in a series of photographs, limited edition objects, an installation, and a video.

Sign me up! Those ladies got some serious street style (and in one pic even look like they’re endorsed by Nike. Now wouldn’t THAT be cool?). This exhibit makes me want to go to Morrocco stat and drag race with some biker ladies – because you know that would be a good time… Go. See. Now. But hurry – it’s only up until March 7. After the jump, more biker ladies:

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More Fun Facts I Learned While Traversing The World (Part 2)

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Proof that I really am a unicorn as, let's be honest, only unicorns have rainbows emanating from their asses. (Truth number 1: It is really hard to get proof of unicornness. It can really only be done in Iguazu Falls, Brazil).

Proof that I really am a unicorn, as, let’s be honest, only unicorns have rainbows emanating from their asses. (Truth number 1: It is really hard to get proof of unicornness. It can really only be done in Iguazu Falls, Brazil).

More Truths From Around The World, courtesy of yours truly. The Unicorn of Truth Tellers. Heh.

  • In Mali, a muslim country, a woman can bathe by the side of the road in the river topless, but will NEVER show her legs above the ankle. It’s just not done.
  • Communists have a seriously underdeveloped sense of humor. At least in public.
  • For women: If you are looking for a hunky, manly man the place to go is BIAP (Baghdad International Airport), which is full of horny, female-starved Western contractors in the best physical condition of their life. And they will buy coffee.
  • Do NOT go to Africa if you are an albino. You will be sacrificed and possibly eaten.
  • The only times I’ve ever had food poisoning in a third world country was when I ate at five star hotels. Street meat = A ok in my book.
  • Be Careful of the chili in Cincinnati, Ohio. Your stomach may not be able to handle it.
  • What happens when you out-karaoke a North Korean?  I did it once – not pretty! It’s best not to do it Especially if you are in North Korea.
  • Communist regimes – or any dictatorial regime feeling threatened – do not like Facebook or Twitter. So much so, it is almost impossible to log in to those, or any other widely used social site, while in the confines of their borders. Just in case, you know, someone wants to start a revolution.
  • The Mandarin word for “shoe” is the same for “vagina” – so be careful when you say you want to go shoe shopping.
  •  In India, if two dudes are walking down the street holding hands, it means they’re friends NOT lovers.
  • In Japan, women let men get in the elevator first. I KNOW! SO ANNOYING!
  • Despite immense dental care advances throughout the world, the English still have really bad teeth, hence the “British Book Of Smiles”.
  • In England, a “fag” is a cigarette, not a nasty term for a homosexual.
  • Despite any and all stereotypes, most people in every country I have ever been to are really, really lovely. If just give them the chance.
  • NEVER shake hands with your left hand, pretty much anywhere. Especially in India. If someone offers to shake your hand with their left, they are insulting you.

What are some truths you’ve learned? I’d love to add them to my list… and put them in a large soon to be downloadable Book Of Truths (with illustrations!)

The Stuff That Got Away [Or, Things I Should’ve Bought When I’d Had The Chance]

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I'm a haggler, not a fighter...

I’m a haggler, not a fighter…

I’m not really a hoarder, I swear. But I do like to buy things that remind me of my trips. And I usually do well – not too much, not too little. But  then there’s the stuff that got away. There’s not many things that I regret not purchasing, but there are a few items that I’ve passed up that I still think about. Years later, like some dude who asked me out in my 20’s and I said no and now realize I probably should’ve given him a shot. How effed up is that? Anyhoo – I present the list:

1. The Tuareg ear cuffs. These things are all the rage right now (except they are knock offs being sold by designer labels for hundreds). And I could’ve had them first. UGH. There I was in TImbuktu, haggling my butt off and I just got tired and walked away. I saw a few more cuffs over the next few days, but thought, “I’ll come back.” And then the Civil War started and I had to leave. (Story on that later). It now KILLS me to see them on another woman’s ear. BUT – the woman below is selling hers on Etsy. I suggest you order a pair.

Very Mad Max… How it looks on whitey

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